So, I am still very new to this whole blogging thing, but I'm hoping to ride on the coattails of my propensity for writing in general. I'm pretty confident I don't have anything noteworthy to share or say, but I guess that has never really stopped me before. The thing is, I'm often content being my own audience, the girl who laughs at her own jokes, not only first, but loudest and longest. I will then soldier on in typical Rachel fashion....hmm, what to say, this is getting awkward...
Actually, I was inspired reading a couple of college friends' blogs about the different new and exciting things they are doing and voyages upon which they are embarking. It made me reflect back to a former life for myself, one in which dirty diapers and a temper tantruming 5 month old didn't exist. A life to be sure, that I look lovingly and sometimes even longingly back to, where I could go travel wherever the wind would take me, or heck, even just brush my teeth in peace. I often sense a restlessness in my soul if I allow myself to linger too long over others' adventures or my own past ones. I find myself discontent once again, desiring that same freedom from time to time...and yet, I wouldn't change a thing in my life. I guess it's the constant pull and tug of life and "the grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome, that is simply something which every human wrestles. If I was honest with myself, (and I think I usually am,) the life I now lead, is the exact life I desired back when I had my much freer life and the ability to do and go whatever/wherever. Maybe it's the Fall, maybe it's just me, but either way, I am realizing slices of contentment come and go, but my identity or worth in life cannot be measured by what I am or am not doing or a life I am not leading. It's natural to desire to be known, to leave a legacy and impact, but what are my motivations? That desire to be known, is ultimately my craving and longing for fellowship with my Creator. If I could only hang on to the contentment as a believer, in that regardless if I am a stay at home mother, or some free-as-a-bird, traveling missionary, my life is worthy. I am so worth it. My Lord has said I am before there was time. I want to grab hold of that truth and give my selfish desire for noteworthiness back to Him, yielding to Him all of my desires, longings, and fears. My selfish motivation to leave an impact may be just that, a selfish motivation, because what if this IS what I am supposed to be doing to leave an impact? What if it IS simply raising a child to know and honor the Lord the best I can, and respect and honor my husband as the head of my family, and not ministering barefoot, living in a hut to a tribe in Africa? What if my moment of glory is right here, right now? What if my ultimate freedom, my ultimate patch of grass, is right here in the middle of a dirty diaper and cooking dinner? Could there be a more noble cause for me if this is where God has put me?
I guess I'll ruminate on that while I go pick my baby boy up from his crib. Today will be the most noble breastfeeding and diaper changing you have ever seen!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Prompt as always, just getting started.
Apparently, Justin Hall is credited with being one of the first online personal bloggers while attending Swarthmore College in 1994. Clearly, quick on the uptake, with great catlike reflexes, I now begin my own personal blog, some 16 years later at a point in time where blogging seems to be almost obsolete, twittering becoming the norm.
I take pride in the fact that I am so on top of things technology wise. I'm the person that didn't get a cell phone until I was 22, nearly 10 years after everyone else. I'm the person that once getting said cell phone, manages to hang onto the oldest, most basic model, until the point where what was cool, no longer is, but I'm just now getting the upgrade. As you can imagine, (and by you, I mean the ONE person who may ever read this because I asked you to, and so feeling obligated, you decided you would give it a quick read just to say you had) I have no clue what twittering is, and finally I now start blogging, more on a whim out of compulsion to write than pull of multimedia to keep up with the crowd.
So, here is my meager attempt to "journal," if you want to call it, my thoughts, queries, musings, what have you, all in the limited time allotted for such triviality. And now that I have sufficiently used most of the fleeting time I have, to give a long winded, nonsensical, introduction, I will commence with my actual diatribing on various subjects in posts to come, or as you might say, (ENTER name of blog, dun dun dun...)"random ruminations."
Presently, the most relevant thing I can discuss are the miracles and miseries of being a new mother. Now you know the reason for limited time, but don't worry, I'm not a martyr as many mothers are, just mentioning it. (This blog is brought to you by the letter M.) Many are both the miracles and miseries of motherhood. I had wanted to be a mother for what felt like forever, and one of the most annoying habits of many of the moms I knew was to play the role of the martyr. Now don't get me wrong, I am eating my fair share of crow as I have learned that many things in motherhood are just plain miserable. However, in my prematernal days I quickly noted how I DID NOT want to take on the role of the poor little housewife and mother forced into a role in which she played no willing participant. I realized how much it bothered me and that when my time would come, I wanted be honest about the hardships sure, but sound the trumpet on the miracle of life and motherhood and the many blessings that go along with it. You see, not everyone gets the privilege and blessing of being a parent, so to callously take pity on yourself for a role many women would covet, is simply selfish. It is my desire to recognize my blessing as a mother, and neither discourage other would-be mothers out there with my mothering woes to the point that their view of parenting is nothing but a hardship, nor to rub the faces of those struggling with becoming parents in the dirt with my dwelling on the blessings of motherhood. It can be a fine line as I am learning many things to be true of the miseries that were divulged to me prior, but I so sincerely want to walk it honestly and fairly, never taking my wonderful little 3 1/2 month old blessing for granted.
I take pride in the fact that I am so on top of things technology wise. I'm the person that didn't get a cell phone until I was 22, nearly 10 years after everyone else. I'm the person that once getting said cell phone, manages to hang onto the oldest, most basic model, until the point where what was cool, no longer is, but I'm just now getting the upgrade. As you can imagine, (and by you, I mean the ONE person who may ever read this because I asked you to, and so feeling obligated, you decided you would give it a quick read just to say you had) I have no clue what twittering is, and finally I now start blogging, more on a whim out of compulsion to write than pull of multimedia to keep up with the crowd.
So, here is my meager attempt to "journal," if you want to call it, my thoughts, queries, musings, what have you, all in the limited time allotted for such triviality. And now that I have sufficiently used most of the fleeting time I have, to give a long winded, nonsensical, introduction, I will commence with my actual diatribing on various subjects in posts to come, or as you might say, (ENTER name of blog, dun dun dun...)"random ruminations."
Presently, the most relevant thing I can discuss are the miracles and miseries of being a new mother. Now you know the reason for limited time, but don't worry, I'm not a martyr as many mothers are, just mentioning it. (This blog is brought to you by the letter M.) Many are both the miracles and miseries of motherhood. I had wanted to be a mother for what felt like forever, and one of the most annoying habits of many of the moms I knew was to play the role of the martyr. Now don't get me wrong, I am eating my fair share of crow as I have learned that many things in motherhood are just plain miserable. However, in my prematernal days I quickly noted how I DID NOT want to take on the role of the poor little housewife and mother forced into a role in which she played no willing participant. I realized how much it bothered me and that when my time would come, I wanted be honest about the hardships sure, but sound the trumpet on the miracle of life and motherhood and the many blessings that go along with it. You see, not everyone gets the privilege and blessing of being a parent, so to callously take pity on yourself for a role many women would covet, is simply selfish. It is my desire to recognize my blessing as a mother, and neither discourage other would-be mothers out there with my mothering woes to the point that their view of parenting is nothing but a hardship, nor to rub the faces of those struggling with becoming parents in the dirt with my dwelling on the blessings of motherhood. It can be a fine line as I am learning many things to be true of the miseries that were divulged to me prior, but I so sincerely want to walk it honestly and fairly, never taking my wonderful little 3 1/2 month old blessing for granted.
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