The Greener Pastures

So, I am still very new to this whole blogging thing, but I'm hoping to ride on the coattails of my propensity for writing in general. I'm pretty confident I don't have anything noteworthy to share or say, but I guess that has never really stopped me before. The thing is, I'm often content being my own audience, the girl who laughs at her own jokes, not only first, but loudest and longest. I will then soldier on in typical Rachel fashion....hmm, what to say, this is getting awkward...

Actually, I was inspired reading a couple of college friends' blogs about the different new and exciting things they are doing and voyages upon which they are embarking. It made me reflect back to a former life for myself, one in which dirty diapers and a temper tantruming 5 month old didn't exist. A life to be sure, that I look lovingly and sometimes even longingly back to, where I could go travel wherever the wind would take me, or heck, even just brush my teeth in peace. I often sense a restlessness in my soul if I allow myself to linger too long over others' adventures or my own past ones. I find myself discontent once again, desiring that same freedom from time to time...and yet, I wouldn't change a thing in my life. I guess it's the constant pull and tug of life and "the grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome, that is simply something which every human wrestles. If I was honest with myself, (and I think I usually am,) the life I now lead, is the exact life I desired back when I had my much freer life and the ability to do and go whatever/wherever. Maybe it's the Fall, maybe it's just me, but either way, I am realizing slices of contentment come and go, but my identity or worth in life cannot be measured by what I am or am not doing or a life I am not leading. It's natural to desire to be known, to leave a legacy and impact, but what are my motivations? That desire to be known, is ultimately my craving and longing for fellowship with my Creator. If I could only hang on to the contentment as a believer, in that regardless if I am a stay at home mother, or some free-as-a-bird, traveling missionary, my life is worthy. I am so worth it. My Lord has said I am before there was time. I want to grab hold of that truth and give my selfish desire for noteworthiness back to Him, yielding to Him all of my desires, longings, and fears. My selfish motivation to leave an impact may be just that, a selfish motivation, because what if this IS what I am supposed to be doing to leave an impact? What if it IS simply raising a child to know and honor the Lord the best I can, and respect and honor my husband as the head of my family, and not ministering barefoot, living in a hut to a tribe in Africa? What if my moment of glory is right here, right now? What if my ultimate freedom, my ultimate patch of grass, is right here in the middle of a dirty diaper and cooking dinner? Could there be a more noble cause for me if this is where God has put me?

I guess I'll ruminate on that while I go pick my baby boy up from his crib. Today will be the most noble breastfeeding and diaper changing you have ever seen!