Redeeming Korah

Blah, blah, blah, the last time I wrote ages ago, I blathered on honestly and openly about my feelings on my ultrasound. It was the discovery that I would be thrown to the wolves as a mother of a new baby girl, yada yada yada. And while all those feelings were very real at the time, I am, we are, constantly working out our salvation with fear and trembling...constantly allowing Jesus to redeem and renew our minds, growing on this journey He has set us on(as if He needs me to ALLOW Him haha). And with that constant redemption, renewal, and growth, I feel compelled to finally put pen to paper today, or as the case may be, finger to keyboard.

I recently, in fact so recent I still smell like jet fuel, returned from visiting my family in Michigan. And let me be the first to tell you about a voyage to my homeland.....it IS a voyage, a trek, a pilgrimage not for the faint of heart or weak in spirit. You must have nerves of steel and a stress level unreachable because whilst with my familia, you will be culture shocked, maxed out, bewildered, aghast, find yourself thinking you are in an alternate or parallel universe in which up is actually down and all things you once knew are completely backwards. You will be thinking you will wake up soon to find you are dreaming and still snuggled cozily in your bed......but YOU WILL BE WRONG.

I can't quite paint an accurate picture for the reader without detailing many a scenario that would either humiliate family members or mark me as a traitor due to familial lines being breached. I will however say, that while some of you might think you have an idea, you most likely don't. These are the things talk show episodes are made of, things you thought you only found in say, an episode of My Name is Earl, (which I've seen only clips of, but I believe it sets the stage for the sort of culture shock I am referring to) or perhaps a Jerry Springer catastrophe. So, I can't quite explain it or tell you everything without losing credibility as a human in order to gain validity as a writer. Alas, the former wins and you will just have to trust me on this.....most of you have never been around people like my family. Suffice it to say, (thank you Carey for the laugh on that word) a reality show could easily be based on my family that although there would certainly be some laughs, by no means would be a comedy.

My point to all this while difficult to find, is actually about my sweet baby girl....you know the one I last wrote about with angst and grief like some poor teenage girl who'd just had her heart ripped out by her one true love who up and decided Jennifer Dream Girl was actually where he'd find his high school happiness...Anywho grief, pure, unadulterated shoulder shaking, heart-wrenching, gut twisting grief. Hence the title of this post. I feel the need for redemption for my sweet one. Her mother let her down, although sincere and honest to the point of obscene, she let her down and I now intend to woman up and confess how absolutely off base I was. The good Lord with His absolutely perfect track record once again is showing me on this early road of girldom how wonderful a sweet little peanut can be. I am so in love with my Korah. I see such a pure Godly joy and sweetness in her little personality; it shines so brightly on her wide grinning little face, sometimes my breath catches. She is such sweetness personified that I have forgotten all my anguish and fears over mothering a little girl. I want to love, keep close, and speak truth over my little lady all the days of my life. I want her to grow in the ways and love of the Lord, pursuing Christ and His righteousness with all her heart. I see already at only 5 months what a little light she is and can't help but wonder what mountains her faith will move. She is a girl after her Father's heart and we speak this over her daily. Our prayer with each of our kids has been that they will have wisdom beyond their years, come to know the Lord at an early age, follow hard after Him, and that they would have the heart of the Father...their hearts breaking at what His breaks, and a righteous indignation at what His hates, loving in all things.

This renewal of my mind is from God Himself. I brought up the part about my family because I believe the recent trip and interaction was a part of the catalyst to my writing today, not the whole, but a part. The other part was my bible study gals last week, you know who you are. If you were tracking with me on my reference to my previous post literally months ago, you know my upbringing and my mother have/are playing a huge role in my previous feelings concerning 50% of the population, that is the female, more specifically, raising one. And while I don't exactly have the relationship with my mother or even desire it really, that many girls have, I now see that it can BE; it IS possible. And I intend to have just that with my daughter. I am shouting from the rooftops that I HAVE A DAUGHTER!! How exciting and how blessed am I!! Lord help me to cultivate the kind of relationship with each of my children, with my Korah specifically, that reflects your relationship with us. Help me to come beside her as her mother in a way I never experienced myself. I want to be a delight to my children.

I am redeeming Korah, both from my previous words and from the stigma some would attach to her name. In the Bible, we hear about Korah and his revolt against Moses, his wickedness toward the Lord, and ultimately, how he was swallowed up by the earth. I know the story. You don't have to look at me like you have a secret I don't know all you sword drill winners. I know you know your Bible, but 1. a lot of people don't so they will never know, and 2. I don't care smartypants. However, we also hear of the Sons of Korah in Psalm. I recently read about God being a God of second chances and how for whatever reason, when you read in Numbers about this whole debacle, you will notice Korah's children were not named in those swallowed up by the earth the way the two other men in the revolt's family were. While I'm not sure why they may have been spared, or even if the Psalm reference is to the same Korah for sure, it is neat to think of Korah's children, despite that kind of legacy he left them, going on to love and serve the Lord. And right or wrong, I like to think of it that way, drawing a parallel between my generation of family--my daughter and me, redefining what that mother/daughter relationship looks like this side of redemption, this side of something I never knew, but am being given a second chance to know. I love my daughter. I praise the Lord for her and ask for wisdom in guiding her in what it means to be a Godly woman in a world that screams against it. Lord, help me tread lightly and carefully this delicate line of parenting.